June 2012
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snowpetrel:
i was just telling my mom that pirates of the caribbean 3 made me cry and she goes “why?? because of will smith?” and i shouted “WHAT???” and my stepdad was like “you mean will TURNER???” and mom got really embarassed and my stepdad murmured “the fresh prince of the caribbean” before he walked away
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Teacher: Time to hand in the homework, everyone. Now, I know I said it would be pretty low-key, but-
Me: LOKI?
Teacher: Pardon?
Me: The God of Mischief.
Teacher: ...okay. So, where's your homework?
Me: I don't have it.
Teacher: What?
Me: I sent it off, I know not where.
Teacher: Are you feeling okay? You're speaking a little strange...
Me: Is it madness? IS IT?
Teacher: Hey, watch your tone-
Me: WHY? BECAUSE I'M THE MONSTER PARENTS TELL THEIR CHILDREN ABOUT AT NIGHT?
Teacher: Okay, I think you need to-
Me: How's your coffee?
Teacher: What?
Me: You can't survive without your coffee, right? Like gas in the tank?
Teacher: I don't-
Me: There's no gas in the tank.
Teacher: What-
Me: I took the caffeine out. Decaf. It's decaffeinated. You're going to get TIRED and fall ASLEEP. Ohohohohohohoho, you're going to look like such an ASS.
Teacher: Okay, I think it's time for-
Me: LOKI'D.
Teacher: Could someone escort her up to the Principal's office?
Me: NO. YOU ARE ALL OF YOU BENEATH ME.
Teacher: Preferably several someones?
Me: I AM A GOD. I WON'T BE BULLIED BY A-
Teacher: Restrain her.
Me: *being dragged away* I DO WHAT I WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaant...
Teacher: What even.
Friend: You know, she may not have done her homework, but you can be damn sure she'll avenge it.
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galifianafuck:
benedict cumberbatch is my favorite person he’s so smart and beautiful and talented and make interviewers look dumb because he has like a whole fucking dictionary on his head and then there’s that other side of him where he decides to show up wearing a suit and black sunglasses on a movie premiere about men in suits and sunglassses killing aliens and shit and I JUST I lvOe him
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When I lose a follower I don’t care about the number dropping. I care about the fact that someone felt the need to unfollow me. I’m always like; Did I do something wrong? Was I rude in any type of way? Did I insult them? It drives me insane.
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pandalot:
You are good at something, stop lying to yourself. You’re good at breaking down comic book plots, cooking ramen perfectly, making your friends happy, knowing the time without looking at a clock, getting the perfect ending at RPG’s, or figuring out the twist ending to movies. Don’t let society tell you your talents are meaningless because they don’t serve an economical purpose. Your...
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I love Tumblr. You can say "asgfdhgyukdas" or...
littlebloodyj:
silenthilllz:
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One of the things that I really love about my sister and her husband having a baby is that since their last name is Pond, they’re calling the baby their puddle.
Craig (her husband) started it.
So effing cute.
We find out next Friday/Saturday if it’s a boy or girl
I can’t wait!
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Dear every manufacturer of women's clothing, ever:
lord-kitschener:
gothiccharmschool:
Faux pockets are an abomination. If you’re going to bother putting pocket flaps on something, add the G-d damn pockets.
No love,
Jilli
And make the pockets deeper, you soulless bastards.
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spruebox:
theclearlydope:
How pissed would Leo Dicaprio be if someone played him in bio of his life and won an Oscar?
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me and the 6 yr old I'm babysitting: *watching a study in pink*
6 yr old: are they best friends?
me: yes
6 yr old: they don't look like best friends.
me: really? what do they look like?
6 yr old: boyfriends.
me: ...really?
6 yr old: yes. they're in love. that old lady thinks so.
me: *internally screaming*
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